Selfish.

I've been in a mood. Like a saturnine mood. I've been grumpy but happy. Confused and sad but mixed with stressed but okayness. I am not sure why. Whatever I do isn't good enough. It isn't good enough for me. I'm mad at myself for being a bitch (sorry for the langue) to my parents. For being short to my sister. For being bossy to my boyfriend. For being a medusa instead of being the Athena I am. I am strong. I take on stress and deal with it. I accept things for what they are. I am creative and curious. I love getting dressed and doing makeup and painting my nails. But lately and it's been a long lately, I've been in a fog. I don't want to get dressed. My curiousness can wait. I don't have muchness to show. And it makes me stressed. Because I can feel my curiousness and muchness want to explore out of me but I can't get it out. And the more I try to get it out the more I dig it in deeper into the hole I'm wanting it out of. I want to be happy. I want my old self back. I need it back.